A Journey With Cerebral Palsy

We set out in the early morning hours of a Sunday in March. It promised to be an ideal weather day for skiing. The temperatures would creep above freezing by a few degrees and the sky promised to be a stunning blue. Stopping for coffee and donuts in the predawn morning for breakfast. The roads were eerily quiet, as the first signs of light began transforming the sky into a hint of dark blue. The drive promised to be a long one. Leaving with plenty of time, the travel to Crystal Mountain would take a solid two hours. The journey was one I had taken the summer before, when I wanted to check out the resort. Aiming to get a feel for what it might be like if presented the opportunity to ski at Crystal. About seven months after going on that single day adventure, the time had arrived for a day of spring skiing. Driving the two-lane roads most of the way was peaceful on that Sunday morning. There was hardly a car around, winding through a couple small towns and over gentle sloping hills. The sun continued making its slow climb, starting with the pre-dawn twinkle, as the morning began. By the time I pulled the car into the parking lot at Crystal Mountain, the sun was climbing up over the first peaks. Half of the resort was splashed with the brightness, as the other half waited patiently in shadows. Driving through the parking lot, I was immediately thankful for the familiarity I had gained from the scouting trip. In all the newness of that morning, at least I knew where the parking was to be found. 

The ability of knowing which direction to move in the parking lot, provided a welcomed comfort. My trip up to the mountain the previous summer told me, the handicap parking was right in front of the lodge. I maneuvered around the curves of the huge parking area. Finding one of the large number of handicap parking spaces. When I had first seen the number of designated spaces, I was really impressed. During my scouting trip, I think there were over twenty spaces that could be counted. At the time of pulling in, most of them remained empty. Proving plenty of room around the exterior of the car to get into ski gear. To my surprise, the parking situation would be pretty different upon returning to the car after skiing. However, during our arrival around eight on the Sunday morning, there was plenty of room to be had. Because it was the end of a relatively warm week in March, there wasn’t any snow in the parking lot. I was getting into my ski boots on dry pavement, making the process much easier. The pavement also made for an easier time moving around the car to get everything else ready. We headed across a traffic lane for unloading passengers. Stepping onto the sidewalk to start the climb up to the lodge. Because of my driving up to the resort during the precious summer, I had knowledge of the initial flight of steps up to the lodge. The second part of the climb, I wasn’t prepared to experience. 

When I had driven up to Crystal mountain, there had been construction happening. It was the middle of the summer and much of the lodge area was enclosed with fencing. They appeared to be working on the lodges, making up the base area. Meaning I was unable to walk all the way up to where the chairlifts start, taking skiers up the mountain. So, when I arrived on the morning to ski, I was able to navigate the first set of stairs without too much difficulty. The first staircase also had a crossing path that wound up the stairs. Meaning I could have ascended the first set without using the actual stairs. That first set of stairs naturally caused some fatigue. Because, I’m not used to climbing stairs at all, during my ski day. From the handicap parking at Stevens, I walk across a bridge to the main lodge level. At Crystal, By the time I had walked out this second set of stairs, I was pretty overwhelmed. I think partly because of the surprise experienced in learning about climbing the second set of stairs. Along with the challenge of climbing them in ski boots with my skis, along with the challenges of my disability. A positive take away was making it up all the stairs on my own. Even with the challenges of cerebral palsy, I’m always trying to be as independent as I possibly can be. There are times when I take the effort of being independent a little too far and it caught up to me, by the end of this ski day. 

After the final preparations of getting ready to ski. I could already feel the fatigue from unexpected emotion. Just getting from the house to the point of being buckled into my skis and ready to go, had taken an emotional toll. However, I wanted to do the best I could at powering through the feelings of uncertainty. Looking around me before pushing away from the lodge, all I could see was an ideal sunshining day. I was pleading with myself to remain strong, even through the adversity of the initial challenges. We got on the first chair, headed for some of the easiest slopes the mountain provided. Disembarking that first chair, we made a quick ski down to a second chair. This second chair we got onto would take us a little bit further up the mountain. Still, the slopes off this second chair were marked as the easiest on the mountain. During that first ski run I discovered very quickly that a beginner run at Crystal Mountain was different from a beginner run at Stevens. That first ski run was more challenging than any of the beginner marked slopes at Stevens, to which I had become familiar. It was another relative shock to my emotions, during the morning hours. The decision was made to take another pass, or two, at the same beginner marked slope, before heading further up the mountain. Another challenge with the first couple ski runs we took was the snow being entirely in shade. This sun hadn’t gotten to it yet making the entire run a sheet of ice. It was challenging to get enough grip to make any good turns. We pretty quickly went higher into the mountain, to find some sunny spots. 

After skiing back down to the base area. We took another chairlift, lifting us along a different route, up into the resort. Similar to the first route, we disembarked, moving to another lift, where we rode higher, still. This last chairlift would be the one skied off, for most of the day. There was a beginner run off to one side, but most of the terrain off the chairlift was marked intermediate. After skiing the easier slope, a couple of times, which had points of good challenge in the middle, making the run feel more between an easy and intermediate slope. I was mentally and emotionally prepared to take on the true intermediate runs at Crystal. The following few slopes taken down the mountain would be of the intermediate variety. At points, I would be standing at the top of sections in the middle of a run, and wondered how I would be able to ski the section. These parts would appear much stepper than anything I had become accustomed to skiing. However, on most every occasion, I was able to surprise myself by skiing down the steeper slopes with success. I should say it was working well until my final run of the day. When I went scooting over a hill without stopping to survey the upcoming slope. I got caught in some bumps and lost control of my skis. The first time in a while, I fell without holding on to my ski poles. Sliding a good while down the intermediate run. I came to a rest without bodily damage, but my energy was completely depleted. My ski day had concluded and I carefully skied back to the lodge. 

Throughout the morning of skiing at Crystal, I fell on three different occasions. The frustration aspect of the first two falls was them occurring while on flat ground. Both happened after my attempting to arrive at a complete stop. Losing my balance most likely because of fatigue from the challenges of the morning, I gently fell to the snow. The feelings of exhaustion contributed to an almost inability to stand on my own. Getting assistance with both of the first two falls. I was unbuckled from my skis and with much effort found my way onto my feet. Getting myself clipped back into the skis, I continued on. However, my final tumble of the morning painted a different story. The final fall I took, after skiing over a hill, where I should have stopped to look over the terrain. My body had become so worn down from the morning on the slopes. I made an attempt to stand, but making the effort simply felt overwhelming. My ski partners positioned themselves to my side and lifted me back onto my feet. As I have gotten older, it has become more and more rare for me to become that tired. The only other moment I can recall being in a similar position was when riding the ski bus, as a kid. During those few instances, I didn’t have people around, caring enough to help me back onto my skis. For me, it is a scary moment to become that tired, where without help, I’m not sure how I would have stood. I was thankful for the help of caring people. For had I been alone, that situation would have been exponentially more anxiety ridden. There are times, when I feel as though I might be pushing the challenges of my cerebral palsy too far. It feels like the day on Crystal might have been bumping me, up against my limits. 

Skiing to the point where I can barely stand was fraying of my emotions. While, trying to live my life as independently as possible, the morning of skiing at Crystal felt almost the opposite. As the emotions of the day felt stripping of my strength. Leaving me exhausted to the point of struggling to make it back out to the car. I was thankful for all the support on a day, turning out to be more challenging than anticipated. Arriving back at the car, after my morning on the slopes, brought about another curious situation. The section of handicap parking was more crowded. The cars were lined up side by side, without much room around the exterior of the car. Usually, when parking in a handicap space of most any parking lot. Not only are the spaces closer to a main entrance, which these were. Another helpful situation about a handicap space, and the aspect helping me most. Would be the larger handicap parking spaces, usually provide more room to maneuver around the exterior of the car. This just wasn’t the case at Crystal on that day of skiing. A main reason could have been the day of the week, a Sunday, but I still wondered why the spaces weren’t designated to be larger. For this reason, getting back to the car left me feeling even more tired. Realizing the challenge of my day hadn’t ended. Needing to change out of my gear within a confined amount of space. 

With all of the challenges involved in skiing at Crystal. There were some great positives involved in the morning hours on the slopes. The sunny blue bird day couldn’t have provided a better picture for skiing. The views from everywhere on the mountain were breathtaking. I remembering looking around me when riding the chairlifts. The sights in all directions left me mesmerized. The surrounding peaks and the size of the resort felt incredible. It was more appetizing to look around than any of the views at Stevens. Leaving me feeling like I wanted to experience the resort, again. The one view I missed was going to the top of the resort. Which, would have surely been an amazing sight of the perfect weather day we skied. For me, going to the top felt entirely too daunting. With all the challenge I was experiencing, it felt like going to the top, might have been a push too far. I honestly don’t know how I would have managed to ski all the way back to the lodge. Though disappointed in shying away from the challenge of the top. The decision does provide strong reason for a return trip to Crystal. While, also providing motivation to become a stronger skier. In my mind, the only way for me to really enjoy a mountain like Crystal is to become better on skis. 

The desire of seeing the top of Crystal mountain resort wasn’t the only motivation from the ski day. The resort provided challenge that I don’t seem to find at Stevens. Being a drive of about forty more minutes, it appealed as a place to return. Especially if I feel myself improving as a skier, next year. Each category of ski run felt more difficult at Crystal. The runs labeled as beginner slopes were steeper than those marked beginner at Stevens Pass. The same felt like it could be said about the intermediate runs at Crystal. My biggest take away when skiing Crystal was the overall mountain just felt steeper, making it more challenging to ski. Causing me excitement to keep skiing at Stevens, which feels like a good mountain for me, to work on improving my skills. Then, with a little extra travel time, I have found a mountain in Crystal, where those improvements can be put to the test. Thinking through the day of skiing, also lead me to think of ways toward a better experience. Choosing to ski at Crystal on a week day, instead of a Sunday, could take away much of the anxious emotion felt. There would be less people around the lodge and less cars in the handicap parking spots. That simple change could make the experience pretty different. Still, nothing can change the extra challenge of the mountain.

Following the mixture of emotions felt during my day of skiing at Crystal. Along with the nasty taste in my mouth from falling on my final ski run of the day. I wanted to get in one more good day of skiing. Trying to go into the summer with a better thought pattern about being on the slopes. The week that followed the Crystal adventure saw me head up to Stevens for a morning on skis. My thought of heading up to the mountain one more time, worked great. I got in a couple of hours under sunny skies. Washing away the memory of falling, experiencing a solid day to end my season of skiing. From that day, I took the motivation gained from the morning at Crystal. Setting new goals for my summer to get into better shape. I was ready to start focusing on getting more stable throughout my body. Hoping by the time next season arrives, I will have the added balance to improve my skiing, further. I’m so thankful for the chance to ski somewhere new, somewhere more challenging than I have become accustomed. The morning at Crystal pointed out some of the things I need to work on, in order to improve. The experience also humbled me into feeling the motivation for improvement. I love how the time spent on skis helps me become a better person in all kinds of areas. Hopefully, I will soon get the chance of taking on the challenge of Crystal, again.