Playing golf in the middle of the winter often feels like an interesting proposition. Most often described better as a flat-out adventure. Golf seems to be a sport of repetition. Meaning I play the best golf when playing with some form of regularity. Whether that be a couple times per month, once a week, or multiple times a week in my younger days. When my golf game comes to a close during the early days of fall, each year. It has been challenging to get started, again. Especially, when trying to enjoy a couple of rounds in the middle of the winter. I always play golf when traveling to a warm environment. For consecutive years, that has meant Hawaii in the first month of each year. However, the trip wasn’t taken last year, but came to life again this January. When thinking about playing my first round of golf this year, a pit began forming in my stomach. Remembering the years, I would struggle with my golfing ability on vacation. I had never really thought much about it, because of the sheer blessing of playing golf in the warmth, during the cold winter months. This year, for whatever the reason might have been, I was anxiety stricken with the idea of surviving the frustrations of playing golf. All the negative memories were bouncing around my brain. The chunking of shots and challenges in maintaining balance, or feeling like I was stumbling, when just trying to complete a golf swing. Each year, I felt disappointment in my attempts to play golf on the island. For the cost of playing the awesome golf of Hawaii, it was disappointing to feel the frustrations of struggle.
However, the gift of playing golf in Hawaii can’t be forgone. Even with the anticipation of the possible frustrations. It felt important to give playing a go and hope for the best result. Reminding myself when standing on the first tee, to try being patient with myself, throughout the day. Ko Olina is a golf course with which I have gained a lot of knowledge through the years. Usually, being lucky enough to play the course a couple of times, each trip. I can picture where the most challenging holes will appear and when the difficult ones arrive. There is a par-3 on the front side. I think it is the fourth hole on the golf course and always gives me trouble. The tee shot has always looked visually intimidating. As the tee box and the green seem to be on about the same level. But, the ground slopes from the teeing area and back up toward the green. Giving the appearance of a kind of shallow gully between tee and green. Calling for the best shot to be placed high in the air, flying all the way to the putting surface. I don’t think my shot on that hole has ever appeared to be what the holes calls for, from the player. Usually, all I feel is my disability coming through when I strike that golf shot. I’m usually feeling discombobulated and unable to control the functioning of my body. It can lead to a day spent, just trying to recover, attempting to keep time in my movements.
Before the trip to Hawaii this year, which was in the middle of January. The partnership with my trainer had become rocky. For the length of a couple months, things just weren’t feeling comfortable, during our sessions. The exercises he was placing me through still seemed to be productive. However, the conversations and content of the personal side of the relationship felt like they were deteriorating. I arrived at a point in the middle of December, when things came to a head, inside of a session. The partnership had arrived at a point where it needed to be ended and it was. The curiosity inside your mind might be, how does this relate with playing golf in Hawaii? I will tell you, that seems to be a perfectly reasonable curiosity. Because, for me, it plays a big part in why my experience of golfing in Hawaii this year, felt pretty different. In the weeks running up to that fatal session of us working together. He seemed to be on a mission of convincing me of how crucial he was, as it related to my disability. The message I heard from him was that without him, I probably wouldn’t be able to perform my hobbies, like playing golf or skiing. My interpretation was, unless I continued our training partnership, my ability to play those sports would disappear. I was told of the incorrectness of his statement by those with whom I discussed the matter, but the trainer had gotten into my head, and he was still there on the first tee box, in Hawaii.
The comment by the trainer was one leaving me questioning. I believe the questioning, without simply disregarding the statement had to do with having a disability. It left me wondering if, without his training of me, could I lose the ability to play these sports. Or, would it fall off dramatically until I had built up time with a new trainer. Which, I ended up moving seamlessly back to the first trainer I had ever worked with. The questions inside my head had me wondering whether playing golf in Hawaii this year, would be even more challenging than previously. Because, I had walked away from the trainer and his claims. Part of me thought he might be correct and it would show itself in my golf, a little over a month after I had walked away from the partnership. I felt like the first three holes at Ko Olina were going to give me a lot of information. Even before reaching that daunting shot on the par-3 fourth hole. The first three holes have always felt relatively straight forward. A good way of getting used to playing golf again, after having not played in a few months. They allow for some wayward shots and the holes aren’t very long. In previous years, I had experienced some struggles on these beginning holes. Trying to get the winter rust off of my golf game and shake off the cold of home in Seattle. There have usually been a few duffs and dribblers within my first twenty or thirty shots, which often includes that shot on the fourth. However, the number of misses tend to get reduced, playing the middle holes in Hawaii.
Whatever the reason might have been, I could feel the change on the first hole at Ko Olina. Playing the par-5 better than I could ever remember, from prior years. The balance in my body seemed to have improved, bringing on a sense of stability that could be felt almost immediately. But, my mind continued to hesitate. Wondering if I had simply gotten my golf game off to a good start. I remember thinking the next few holes would paint a better picture. There was still an opportunity for things to revert back to years gone by, or even worse. To my surprise, the feeling of stability in my body only continued. Through the first three holes, I continued striking good shot after good shot. Arriving on the tee box of the par-3 fourth hole, the one always causing me to lose faith, and bringing to light the instability with my body movements. During this particular year, just a few months ago, I struck the most stable shot I could remember. The ball flew over the depressed ground between the teeing ground and the putting surface, landing just short and right of the green. The result of that golf shot brought a smirk to my face and left me wondering what the rest of the day might have in store. My chip shot plopped up onto the green and I think bogey four, was my score on number four. Onward the day of golf went.
The rest of the golf day felt amazing. The balance during my swings could not have been better. I continued thinking throughout the day that my new found stability would falter at some point. But instead, I was finding myself in new areas of the golf course, with the ability to hit the golf ball better. That day turned out to be the best I had ever played at Ko Olina. Leaving me with the feeling that my old trainer was wrong. I didn’t need him in order to continue my hobbies. In fact, I was learning that my golf game was actually better. Having a month away from my old trainer should have had a bigger impact, if in fact, he was correct about needing him to succeed. The trainer had taken over seamlessly, because he was the original trainer, I had worked with years before. Even though I had only been working with him for a couple of weeks, at the point of going to Hawaii. My feeling was he played a role in the short time of improving my balance and stability. Causing me to look forward to more training sessions with him. The feeling of seeing positive results early, following a move from one trainer to another can only be encouraging. As the vacation in Hawaii went on, I played golf twice more. With each round of golf, the feeling was the same, with better balance and stability in my golf swing.
It can be challenging to be told someone else is the reason for my ability. I feel like having cerebral palsy makes that sentiment even more difficult to accept. The statement leaves me wondering if I did anything to improve my own challenges. So, walking into my first test after splitting with the trainer, who left the idea on my doorstep, was a little anxious. I was left worried playing golf on vacation could turn into a nightmare. Never considering the opposite could end up being the truth. I love playing golf in Hawaii and playing Ko Olina is something I look forward to, from the time our golf season ends, here at home. The course has historically been a challenging on to play. But, for whatever the reason might be, it felt different this past January. Ko Olina felt much more manageable and more enjoyable to play. Some credit should probably go to the trainer I chose to walk away from. But the trainer who became a reconnection put me right back into working on balance and stability. He understood by working with me for years. The things key to helping my cerebral palsy challenges improve. Playing golf on the trip this January has only brought back the desire to play more golf. Something I haven’t really felt in a number of years. With the right guidance and diligent work, I think people with cerebral palsy can keep doing what they love, as they age. I look forward to seeing how far I can take my hobbies.
A Journey With Cerebral Palsy 