It has been the most interesting stretch of working with trainers. I have been working with a personal trainer in some capacity for twenty-six years. In total, I have worked with five trainers, during that period. Most working relationships have lasted for substantial periods. Most averaging somewhere north of three years spent working together. However, I have lost two trainers in the last five months. With a third, deciding to move on to another gym. The movement of the third trainer has been the most interesting in the story. He has decided to make his way back to a gym, I have years of experience using. The gym owner is the first personal trainer, I ever worked out under. We began in the spring of 2007, in a well-known gym in my hometown area. Our work started after I arrived home from college. The idea of a personal trainer was suggested to me and I went walking into a workout facility. Since that time, he had trained me for years, moving onto coach baseball, with much of his time. Through the years, he built his own gym, which also acts as a baseball facility. After moving on, we remained in touch, as we still worked together in periodic session. It took me by surprise to find my next move in training could lead me back to his facility. Before it could all come to fruition, things needed to be worked out, conversations required.
Back to the current gym in question. Loosing what amounts to three trainers within the span of five months. I wasn’t completely familiar with the inner workings of the gyms we pass by every day. The training staff inside the big box gyms aren’t in the positions I was thinking. They aren’t taking home the money, my mind hoped they would be earning. The belief could be accredited to looking at the situation through a naive lens. It could also come down to an inability to listen. Still, another factor might be paying little attention to situations in front of my eyes. There are times when things need to happen time and again, before something clicks inside a brain. During a recent conversation, my brain must have been open to another perspective. Open to listening when being presented with how things actually work in the world of personal training. The way money most likely flows inside the gyms I have been a member. The secret being kept off my radar was the small sums of money my trainers took home. While I was dispensing good sums of money to be trained under the gyms umbrella. Most of the money, I thought to be going into the pocket of the individual helping me improve, was not finding its way where I would have intended. Most of the dollars seemed to be making their way into other pockets. The owner, the management, the staff. While, the individual helping me get stronger, seemed to feel undercompensated. That emotion, seemed to find its way to my doorstep.
The system becomes frustrated when the customer takes the fall. When walking into the gym expecting to be trained, but ending up feeling dismissed. The situation happened recently, which brought shock to my emotions. As a person who would prefer being trained by someone who wanted to be working together. The feeling of dismissal turned into a productive conversation. While, I expressed my desire not to waste the time of someone who didn’t want to be working together. The discussion led to a deeper talk about life inside the walls of the gym we stood inside. I was becoming more and more confused with the departure of trainer after trainer. I had never experienced this number of trainers leaving in such a short period. The total number of trainers leaving the gym, who were working with me, would be three in the last five months. It becomes challenging to hold myself back from feeling at fault, to some degree. Until, the final of these three trainers took the time, explaining to a good depth, what the problems had become. He also let me into understanding what his next move might become. I played along at first, with my head spinning, with all manner of thoughts. But, when the city of Redmond came up in conversation, as the location of his next gym, my ears perked.
My first ever trainer owned a gym in the city of Redmond. I had stopped my workouts with him years ago. Moving to a new gym, in search of something different. The contact with my first trainer had continued off and on, through the years. Even working out with him again, for short periods. Now, my trainer was going to manage his own situation, using the facility of my first trainer. I would be invited to join my current trainer for the move. It was a nice invitation, making me feel as though our work could continue. However, the ideas brought another set of circumstances into mind. The questions almost coming up immediately. None of which could be answered by the person extending the invitation. There would be many things to work through in order for the transition to work. The business aspect of something like this would be between me and the current trainer. Even before he began presenting numbers for my consideration. The confidence of something working was a feeling running inside. When he presented his thoughts, they seemed more than fair. A better deal from the current situation occurring at the gym, even for myself. The only stumbling block could have more to do with emotion and less to do with business. The comfort in returning to this particular gym, wouldn’t be automatic. A conversation would be required before a deal could be reached.
The thought of going to speak with him caused nervous energy. It had been more than a year since any meaningful conversation had taken place. I didn’t have the feeling our relationship was on poor terms, but I was only one side of the relationship. Relief ran through my emotions when the returned text involved an agreement to meet. Immediately following the feeling of relief was one of anxiety. Because, my desire to engage in what might be an uncomfortable conversation, was going to happen. In fact, it was going to take place the following morning, at his gym, in Redmond. The planning in my head began. With me, running over the things I wanted to articulate and how to say them most positively. But, feeling to be even more important, would be my reaction to any kind of response. An understanding that if this plan didn’t work, there were other options. It would not be worth getting upset over anything that might take place during the discussion. The approach has not been something I have used for much of my life. There has often been an inability for me to accurately control my emotional reaction to conversations. Having much to do with an addiction that was being ignored or justified for years. Knowing I hadn’t really interacted with him since my path of healing had begun, I was hoping for a good outcome. On Monday morning, I showed up at his gym for a conversation.
There are times in life when you realize healing might be truly taking place. My text requested an informal conversation and based around our previous relationship, I was expecting just that. A discussion in the middle of his gym or out in the parking lot. There might be other people around who would feel more important. My thought was the time I would be truly given would be short and choppy. With interruptions coming and going, as I attempted a meaningful conversation. To my surprise, this scenario inside my mind, couldn’t have been further from reality. Upon arriving at the gym, I walked in to look around a place familiar. As I looked around to find where he might be, expecting him to be engage in another conversation. He came out from his office and invited me back. Pulling out a chair for me, on the far side of his desk, I sat across from the desk from him. We exchanged pleasantries and with nervous trembling enveloping my body, our talk began. I ran through the situation presenting itself. A trainer I was working with was moving into his gym and I was hoping to continue the training. However, if there was any discomfort with the circumstances, on his part, I could go in another direction, without any problem. To be fair, it would be a bummer, but I was prepared to be good with any answer. Well, he had no problem with the plan being executed and was happy for me to come work in the gym, again. The meeting didn’t stop with the ten minutes it took to work through my question. We talked for almost an hour, catching up on the lives of one another, like old friends. Given the length of time gone by, since we had been around each other, the interaction turned into a strong indication about how far my healing had progressed. My beginning to train inside his gym again, was on step closer to reality.
The process took a matter of four days to work out. From the initial conversation about the movement to a new gym in Redmond. A gym, which turned out to be familiar, from my past. To setting foot inside the gym I had been so familiar with, working with a new trainer. The time lapse was over an extended weekend. There remain questions for me, surrounding my return to the gym in Redmond. The battle with my addiction continues to be on my mind. As, the person who spent time inside this gym was heavily influenced by watching pornographic images and chronic self-gratification. I wonder about leaving that person in the past, while placing myself in a similar atmosphere, relating to the past behavior. It feels important to continue keeping one foot in and one foot out. Working on the new ability of being honest with myself. Trying to understand that there would be no shame in walking away from the situation. If for any reason, there becomes discomfort to the point of inhibiting my healing journey. My hope continues to be, leaving due to emotional discomfort won’t be necessary. That the feelings I had walking away from my meeting with the owner are real. There has been a new person to emerge who is now, easier to converse with, and more emotionally stable. Only time will tell, but I’m hoping to stick around awhile.
A Journey With Cerebral Palsy 